I’m not well trained,

I need to be broken in,

Living on that free range all day,

Got me buckin’ and ready to sin.

I’m a purebred, a stallion,

Got that 300 horse hemi v-8,

I’m a mustang, a colt,

Got that stamina on any date.

Hey baby, I got something to confess,

Let me get it off my chest, here it goes,

You’re not the first redhead I dream about in bed,

Oh no, no, no.

The first time I fell in love, was at that car show,

With that ‘66 red Bronco,

That ‘66 red Bronco.

No roof on my head,

No doors to be found,

Got that spare in the back,

And that chrome all around.

Bucket seat in front,

Bench seat in back,

Got room for a good boy,

And for fun in the sack.

Hey baby, I got something to confess,

Let me get it off my chest, here it goes,

You’re not the first redhead I dream about in bed,

Oh no, no, no.

The first time I fell in love, was at that car show,

With that ‘66 red Bronco,

That ‘66 red Bronco.

Unlike that other girl in my life, this carpet matches the drapes,

It can take a lot of bumps in the road and lets me play cassette tapes,

Fire engine hue like tigers blood, running all night through my head,

Yea, it’s got me seein’ red.

That’s why the time I fell in love, was at that car show,

With that ‘66 red Bronco,

That ‘66 red Bronco.

I’m a purebred, a stallion,

I need to be broken in,

Living on that free range all day,

Got me buckin’ and ready to sin.

You might be thinking in black, blue or yellow,

I’m in right here in bed just dreamin’ in red,

About that ‘66 Bronco,

That ‘66 Bronco.

Yea, I’m right here in bed just dreamin’ in red,

About that ‘66 Bronco,

That ‘66 red Bronco.

Johnny, and Reeba, and Dolly, and Hank,

This late night boogie don’t break the bank,

Garth, and Patsy, and Brooks and Dunn,

Tonight is about to get real fun,

It’s this little small town’s Derby Day,

We may even break out some Lady A.

Gather round, put that whiskey on ice,

We won’t make you sing freebird, more than twice,

It’s time for a little smoky karaoke.

The devil is looking for a soul to steal,

Chowin’ down on a chicken fried country meal,

While the thunder rolls, lightning strikes our wagon wheel,

All my exes may live in the lonestar,

But my mountain mama lives not too far,

Down by the blue ridge, we’re islands in the stream,

And I promise you, there won’t be no queen,

Because when it’s smoky karaoke, we’re not a fan,

We’d rather hear a little gambling man.

So gather round, put that whiskey on ice,

We won’t make you sing freebird, more than twice,

It’s time for a little smoky karaoke.

We don’t need no hotel california,

Because we got heads and a boy from south georgia,

Or any of wonderwall,

You better leave that despacito at the mall,

We got that burning ring of fire over here,

We got 100 songs about whiskey and beer.

Gather round, put that whiskey on ice,

We won’t make you sing freebird, more than twice,

It’s time for a little smoky karaoke.

We’ll give you the oka-dokey,

You’ll get a little late night pokey,

When we doin’ smoky karaoke.

We all gathered ‘round, got that whiskey on ice,

We’ve all sung freebird once or twice,

It’s time for a little smoky karaoke.

Hey there neighbor,

Why don’t you come on in,

We got aisle after aisle,

Of some sweet southern sin,

Covered in sugar and caramel spice,

Ain’t no tude in here,

Everyone is so nice.

We’ll give you our number,

And you won’t break the bank,

You can eat some fudge,

While you listen to Hank.

Clean that mud of your boots,

And wash that dirt off your truck,

Have a little class,

You’re in club buc.

Friday night, the town about to get lit,

1 shot of bacon grease,

Bartender give me that hit,

We at club buc.

You like to dance to that EDM beat,

Girl that ain’t for me,

Fill up my Ram,

And give me a side of dehydrated meat,

At club buc.

Clean that mud of your boots,

And wash that dirt off your truck,

Have a little class,

You’re in club buc.

At club buc,

Yea, we at club buc.

Our southern Vegas,

Our dixi club med,

Gonna’ pick you a pickle,

Then gonna’ put you to bed.

It’s about to get lit,

So get you that hit,

Of club buc.

Clean that mud of your boots,

And wash that dirt off your truck,

Have a little class,

You’re in club buc.

It’s our southern Vegas,

Our dixi club med,

Gonna’ give you a rub with a beaver nug,

Then gonna’ put you to bed.

At club buc,

Yea, we at club buc,

Welcome to club buc.

Don’t muzzle your man,

Let him speak his mind,

Let him say his peace,

Whether mean or kind.

Don’t muzzle your man,

Let him talk for days,

Let him roam free,

Or his life will be a maze.

‘Cause when you muzzle your man,

You better have a map,

You better have a plan,

When you’re on the run,

When you’re on the lam.

Don’t muzzle your man,

Don’t put the safety on,

Load it from the front,

Get good or gone.

Don’t muzzle your man,

He knows a thing or two,

Just let him vent,

When he’s with his crew.

‘Cause when you muzzle your man,

You better have a map,

You better have a plan,

When you’re on the run,

When you’re on the lam.

You muzzled your man,

Sorry, he ain’t comin’ back,

Yea that’s a fact,

He’ll be out speakin’ his mind,

Out in the woods,

Out in the blind.

You muzzled your man,

Sorry, he’s gone for good,

Yea, like he should,

He’ll be five handles down,

Out of site,

Out of town.

‘Cause when you muzzle your man,

You better have a map,

You better have a plan,

When you’re on the run,

When you’re on the lam.

Don’t muzzle your man.

You better have a plan.

Don’t muzzle your man.

You’ll be on the run,

You’ll be on the lam.

No, don’t muzzle your man.

Don’t put your feet on your table,

Wash up before supper time,

Say please and thank you,

Don’t ever commit no crime.

Don’t say the lord's name in vain,

Treat all life like your own,

Always ask for forgiveness,

Always pick up the phone.

It’s ok to bleed sometimes,

And shed a tear or two,

Respect those who came before you,

And the red, white, and blue.

I’ll never forget what mama said,

Yea, that’s what mama said,

Before I went off to bed.

Rollin’ round and round in my head,

Those words that mama said.

Don’t put your feet on your table,

Wash your mouth out with soap,

Won’t be no cussin’ in this house,

Or an answer of yep or a nope.

Do all your homework,

Listen to what your teacher teaches,

Be thankful for what you have,

Listen to what the pastor preaches.

You can reach for the stars,

Grow up to be whatever you want to be,

Don’t ever raise your hand to a woman,

Only kneel when you’re down on one knee.

I’ll never forget what daddy said,

Yea, that’s what daddy said,

Before I went off to bed.

Rollin’ round and round in my head,

Those words that daddy said.

I got my own family now,

I know I got big shoes to fill,

Will I ever measure up,

Will I ever climb the hill.

I think about it,

No I ain’t gonna lie,

But it’s more thinking of you,

That makes me wanna cry,

And you know why,

Yea, you know why

So thank you mama,

Thank you daddy,

You made me the man that I am,

I’m nowhere near perfect,

But I do the best that I can.

Still thinking about it,

Rollin round in my head,

As I lay here in bed,

All those things that mama said,

Those things that daddy said.

Don’t put your feet on your table,

Wash up before supper time,

Say please and thank you,

Don’t ever commit no crime.

Those things that maa said,

Those things that daddy said,

Before I went off to bed.

Before I went off to bed.

It was a nickel, for a pickle,

And a dime, for soda with lime,

You got your penny, met your friend Lenny,

Rode bikes to waste some time,

Found a dollar, and start to holler,

We’re rich and it’s only nine.

I think it’s about time,

We bring back that five and dime,

Bring back that five and dime.

Because this inflation, has wrecked the nation,

And we’re all moving too fast, don’t make it last,

When by social, we meant with the postal,

Man that time is in the past,

Our only phone, had no ringtone,

And still had a blast.

I think it’s about time,

We bring back that five and dime,

Bring back that five and dime.

It was a nickel, for a pickle,

And a dime, for soda with lime,

You got your penny, met your friend Lenny,

Rode bikes to waste some time,

Found a dollar, and start to holler,

We’re rich and it’s only nine.

That’s why, I think it’s about time,

We bring back that five and dime,

Oooo Oooo Ooooo Ooooo Oooo,

That five and dime,

That five and dime.

That’s why, I think it’s about time,

We bring back that five and dime,

Oooo Oooo Ooooo Ooooo Oooo,

That five and dime,

That five and dime.

We’re like Gable and Grable,

Writing our own fable,

Of whimsy and wishes and lust,

We’re like Johnny and Dolly,

Committing the folly,

Of giving others our trust.

Were like Earhart and Earnhart,

Revving up for a start,

On this legendary race,

We’re like Carson and Garson,

Living our life with some grace.

Now it’s after midnight,

We can do it just right,

So let’s live like some legends tonight,

Yes, let’s live like those legends tonight.

Let’s be like Gable and Grable,

And write our own fable tonight.

Let’s be like Johnny and Dolly,

And always do it just right.

We’re like Gable and Grable,

Writing our own fable,

Of whimsy and wishes and lust,

We’re like Johnny and Dolly,

Committing the folly,

Of giving others our trust.

Were like Earhart and Earnhart,

Revving up for a start,

On this legendary race,

We’re like Carson and Garson,

Living our life with some grace.

Now it’s after midnight,

We can do it just right,

So let’s live like some legends tonight,

Yes, let’s live like those legends tonight.

Let’s be like Gable and Grable,

And write our own fable tonight.

Let’s be like Johnny and Dolly,

And always do it just right,

Let’s be like Johnny and Dolly,

And always do it just right.

Get her to FedEx,

Let’s make it overnight,

Get her a ticket,

Better be on the first flight,

Residential delivery,

I know it’s extra,

I’ll gladly pay the fee.

Just get her to FedEx,

Express delivery,

The contents are fragile,

I’ll pay the freight,

I’ll pay per mile.

I’ll put it on my card,

I’ll even borrow,

Just get her to FedEx,

And in my arms tomorrow.

A buck twenty gonna cost a pretty penny,

But I don’t care right now,

Just get her to FedEx,

I need my sweet girl Jenny,

Yea, get her to FedEx,

My girl Jenny.

Yea, it’s been a long time,

Since I felt her touch,

I’m tired of hearing her voice,

It don’t impress me much,

So get her to FedEx,

Let’s make it overnight,

Get her a ticket,

Better be on the first flight,

I need her touch,

Her tou-ou-ouch.

Just get her to FedEx,

Yea, just get her to FedEx,

Make it an express delivery,

The contents are fragile,

I’ll pay the freight,

I’ll pay per mile.

I’ll put it on my card,

I’ll even borrow,

Just get her to FedEx,

And in my arms tomorrow.

A buck twenty gonna cost a pretty penny,

But I don’t care right now,

Just get her to FedEx,

I need my sweet girl Jenny,

Yea, get her to FedEx,

My girl Jenny.

Yea, it’s been a long time,

Since I felt her touch,

I’m tired of hearing her voice,

It don’t impress me much,

So get her to FedEx,

Let’s make it overnight,

Get her a ticket,

Better be on the first flight,

I need her touch,

Her tou-ou-ouch.

Just get her to FedEx,

Yea, just get her to FedEx,

And in my arms tomorrow.

In my ar-ar-arms,

See-ya tomorrow Jenny.

Saddle up that horse,

You about to be on your way,

Saddle up that horse,

This ain’t gonna be your day.

Saddle up that horse,

The rope is tied real loose,

Saddle up that horse,

I’ll even give you a boost.

This saloon ain’t big enough for the two of us,

So go on bootlicker.

Saddle up that horse,

This whiskey still is dry,

Saddle up that horse,

You better give another game a try.

Saddle up that horse,

This six-shooter is cocked,

Saddle up that horse,

Before you get yourself rocked.

This saloon ain’t big enough for the two of us,

So go on bootlicker.

So go on bootlicker,

Ain’t gonna’ warn you again,

So go on bootlicker,

Not a matter of if but of when,

So go on bootlicker,

So go on bootlicker.

There’s just enough lead for one of us,

There’s just enough bread for one of us,

There’s just enough red for one of us,

So go on bootlicker.

Saddle up that horse,

You about to be on your way,

Saddle up that horse,

This ain’t gonna be your day.

Saddle up that horse,

The rope is tied real loose,

Saddle up that horse,

I’ll even give you a boost.

This saloon ain’t big enough for the two of us,

So go on bootlicker.

There’s just enough lead for one of us,

There’s just enough bread for one of us,

There’s just enough red for one of us,

So go on bootlicker.

So go on bootlicker.

Left on the clothesline,

Floatin’ there in the wind,

With tumbleweeds blowin’ past my cheek,

I’m howlin’ for you all night now baby,

So let me look around the corner,

Just let me take a peak.

You nowhere to be seen now baby,

Like an orphan on a church step,

You nowhere around here baby,

Promises given but never kept.

Why, why, why’d you have to say goodbye,

You hang, hang, hang, me out to cry,

All alone, with me, myself, and I,

You hang, hang, hang, me out to cry.

Stranded on the platform,

The train it’s left the tracks,

Stranded in the rain now baby,

The thunder booms and the lightning cracks.

A little pleasure to go along with the pain,

Those tumbleweeds don’t mind it dry,

But they really hate the rain.

Why, why, why’d you have to say goodbye,

You hang, hang, hang, me out to cry,

All alone, with me, myself, and I,

You hang, hang, hang, me out to cry.

Cry myself to sleep at night,

With, you gone,

Tears drip down into the ground,

From dusk until the break of dawn,

I cry from dusk until the break of dawn,

Without you girl, I might as well be gone,

Yea, so gone.

So why, why, why’d you have to say goodbye,

You hang, hang, hang, me out to cry,

All alone, with me, myself, and I,

You hang, hang, hang, me out to cry.

Don’t hang me out to cry,

No don’t hang me out to cry,

These tears, they will never dry,

No, they’ll never dry.

I cry from dusk until the break of dawn,

Without you girl, I might as well be gone,

Yea, so gone.

So why, why, why’d you have to say goodbye,

You hang, hang, hang, me out to cry,

All alone, with me, myself, and I,

You hang, hang, hang, me out to cry.

When they say chivalry is dead, well they might be right,

When they say it’s all in your head, just dreams in the night,

I say come back to bed, shut those eyes oh so tight,

I say you’ve been misled, the golden apple is here for a bite.

He’s frivolous, I’m chivalrous,

Go on and take your pick,

He’s cantankerous, I’m magnanimous,

Sometimes you make me sick.

When they say hard work pays off, well they might be right,

When they say don’t be so soft, and it’s love at first site,

I say the night is aloft, with stars that shine so bright.

He’s superfluous, I’m industrious,

Go on and be my guest,

He’s duplicitous, I’m expeditious,

Sometimes it’s for the best.

When they say first impressions are lasting, well they might be right,

When they say you’re straight out of central casting, they ain’t too bright,

I say just try fasting, then you’ll see the light,

He’s conspicuous, I’m prodigious,

Go on and have some fun,

He’s injudicious, I’m delicious,

Sometimes a man is born to run.

When they say good things come to those who wait, well they might be right,

When they say it’s all waiting at heaven's gate, just await your plight,

I say I won’t ever tempt fate, try as I might,

He’s precipitous, I’m meticulous,

Go on and leave real fast,

He’s tempestuous, I’m harmonious,

Sometimes it’s not meant to last.

When they say fortune favors the bold, well they might be right,

When they say to do as your told, well sometimes you must fight,

I say to break the mold, stand taller than your height,

He’s treacherous, I’m auspicious,

Go on and have regrets,

He’s scurrilous, I’m capacious,

Sometimes it’s as good as it gets.

He’s insidious, he’s fastidious,

He’s ferocious, he’s atrocious,

He’s salacious, he’s capacious.

Damn he’s doing you wrong,

What can I break through to you,

Other than writing this song.

Chivalry isn’t dead, they just aren’t right,

When they say it’s all in your head, it’s not dreams in the night,

It’s right in front instead, open and see the light.

It’s right in front of you, open and see the light.

Bacon grease is filling the air,

Gum on my boots,

But I don’t really care.

The lights are bright and our bellies full,

You can give that ride a try,

But you can’t handle this big ol’ bull.

So turn her to the left,

Turn her to the right,

Throw her in the air,

Keep her in your site.

‘Cause when this cat’s let loose,

And he’s on the prowl,

He really turns predator,

This female lovin’ night owl.

Yea, he’s about to hoot,

Gonna’ make you move,

Gonna’ make you scoot.

We about to have some real fun tonight,

We about to do this fair just right,

So get up, get down, and get real looski,

And have a hewski tewski brewski,

Hewski tweski brewski.

Come on, let me see you hewski tewski all night,

Drink and drink until the morning light,

Got the whiskey on ice and the beer on tap,

You can sleep in the morning, then take a nap.

The night is young and I’ve got the need,

For some hewski tweski brewski, oh yes m’am, indeed.

‘Cause when this cat’s let loose,

And he’s on the prowl,

He really turns predator,

This female lovin’ night owl.

Yea, he’s about to hoot,

Gonna’ make you move,

Gonna’ make you scoot.

We about to have some real fun tonight,

We about to do this fair just right,

So get up, get down, and get real looski,

And have a hewski tewski brewski,

Hewski tweski brewski.

Gonna’ make you move,

Gonna’ make you scoot.

Yea, gonna’ make you move,

Gonna’ make you scoot.

Come on, let me see you move,

Let me see you scoot,

This hewski tewski brewski is a real big hoot.

So turn her to the left,

Turn her to the right,

Throw her in the air,

Keep her in your site.

Yea, maybe we got a few screws looski,

Nothing that can’t be fixed,

With a hewski tewski brewski.

‘Cause when this cat’s let loose,

And he’s on the prowl,

He really turns predator,

This female lovin’ night owl.

Yea, he’s about to hoot,

Gonna’ make you move,

Gonna’ make you scoot.

We about to have some real fun tonight,

We about to do this fair just right,

So get up, get down, and get real looski,

And have a hewski tewski brewski,

Hewski tewski brewski.

It’s 12am giving me kisses,

It’s 1am waking up the misses,

It’s 2am cuddling in bed,

It’s 3am and needs to be fed,

It’s 4am keeping me warm,

It’s 5am crying up a storm.

Baby,now you see why,

Being a dad makes me wanna’ cry,

Ohhhh… I like my kid, but I LOVE my dog,

I like my kid, but I LOVE my dog.

It’s 6am and out for a walkie,

It’s 7am and two jugs of coffee,

It’s 8am and playing with some toys,

It’s 9am and making too much noise,

It’s 10am and rubbing his belly,

It’s 11am and oh it’s getting smelly.

Baby,now you see why,

Being a dad makes me wanna’ cry,

Ohhhh… I like my kid, but I LOVE my dog,

I like my kid, but I LOVE my dog.

It’s 12pm in the backseat of my truck,

It’s 1pm those diapers cost a buck,

It’s 2pm helping clear some brush,

It’s 3pm that food it looks like mush,

It’s 4pm time for a nappie,

It’s 5pm and man it’s looking crappy,

Baby,now you see why,

Being a dad makes me wanna’ cry,

Ohhhh… I like my kid, but I LOVE my dog,

I like my kid, but I LOVE my dog.

It’s 6pm and the mamacitas stop to talk,

It’s 7pm and the mamacitas just want to gawk,

It’s 8pm chewing on a bone,

It’s 9pm please mommy come home,

It’s 10pm we’re doing some zoomies,

It’s 11pm that crib is looking too roomie.

It’s Groundhod Day and now you see why,

Being a dad makes me wanna cry,

Ohhhh… I like my kid, but I LOVE my dog,

I like my kid, but I LOVE my dog.

Sixteen years later my little guy’s a man,

Slinging that rock in front of thousands of fans,

Taking care of grandma and helping out his pops,

Dreaming one day of being one of the cops,

Prom queen on one arm and mama on the other,

Being the best little big brother.

All this time you can see why,

Being a dad makes me wanna’ cry,

Because…I LOVE my kid and I LOVE my dog,

Yes, I LOVE my kid and I LOVE my dog!

I’m reelin’ in your heart,

One inch at a time,

We had a bad bad start,

So I’m castin’ this line,

Yea, it’s spinning and spinning,

The tides are a’winning,

But let me reel,

Let me reel in your heart.

Yea, I’m reelin’ in your heart,

I let it drift out too far,

Yea, I’m reelin’ in your heart,

Then seal it in a mason jar.

Gonna’ be mine forever,

Let it go, no never,

So let me reel,

Let me reel in your heart.

Yea, I’m reelin’ in your heart,

It’s still beating too fast,

Yea, I’m reelin’ in your heart,

I put out a perfect cast.

Gonna’ be mine forever,

Let it go, no never,

So let me reel,

Let me reel in your heart.

Oh I love you so,

So I don’t want to see you go,

No please please don’t go.

That’s why I’m reelin’ in your heart,

One inch at a time,

We had a bad bad start,

So I’m castin’ this line,

Yea, it’s spinning and spinning,

The tides are a’winning,

But let me reel,

Let me reel in your heart.

So, don’t drift too far,

No, don’t drift too far,

I need you close,

I need you here.

Gonna’ be mine forever,

Let it go, no never,

So let me reel,

Let me reel in your heart.

That’s why I’m reelin’ in your heart,

One inch at a time,

We had a bad bad start,

So I’m castin’ this line,

Yea, it’s spinning and spinning,

The tides are a’winning,

But let me reel,

Let me reel in your heart.

Oh I love you so,

So I don’t want to see you go,

No please please don’t go

So let me reel,

Let me reel in your heart.

That blue agave shinin’ like a nugget of gold,

Tequila flowin’, glistening like a river in the road,

My buddies want to go to the city of sin, damn how lame,

But hey fellas I want to go where everyone knows my name,

And we talking about that sweet nectar promised land,

Yea it’s a different kind of bean town, it comes with a mariachi band.

So come south of the border, you’re in for a treat,

They don’t care if you like it with a lime or simple and neat,

Around these parts you never know who is friend or foe,

But it’s ok amigo, I’m their favorite gringo,

They call me Jalisco Joe.

Down here in Jalisco, I’m more famous than anyone,

We drink all night, we drink ‘till the rising of the sun,

We drink to the ladies, we drink to the gods,

We drink when we sit, and we drink when we’re on the run.

Down here in Jalisco, tequila flows like the rain,

It lights up the sky, it lights a sweet smoldering flame,

It comes pouring down, from the heavens up above,

It drives some happy, and some others insane.

So come south of the border, you’re in for a treat,

They don’t care if you like it with a lime or simple and neat,

Around these parts you never know who is friend or foe,

But it’s ok amigo, I’m their favorite gringo,

They call me Jalisco Joe.

So gather round,

You about to hear that sweet vihuela sound,

And the after dark tales of yours truly,

The never unruly,

The one and only Jalisco Joe.

We tear up the plazas until the rising of the sun,

The girls of Guadalajara look near and far-a,

But they got nowhere to hide,

They got nowhere to run,

We sing and we dance,

We drink and romance,

And it never costs us a ton.

So come south of the border, you’re in for a treat,

They don’t care if you like it with a lime or simple and neat,

Around these parts you never know who is friend or foe,

But it’s ok amigo, I’m their favorite gringo,

They call me Jalisco Joe.

Down here in Jalisco, I’m more famous than anyone,

We drink all night, we drink ‘till the rising of the sun,

We drink to the ladies, we drink to the gods,

We drink when we sit, and we drink when we’re on the run.

I’m the one and only Jalisco Joe.

Just grab life by the thorns,

Let it cut real deep,

Like a tattoo needle under the skin,

Pool of blood at your feet.

The patina gets real hard,

Yea, just let it burn,

Let the months and months go by,

Let those calendar pages turn.

Just grab life by the thorns,

Don’t worry about the prick,

Let it scar and scab away,

Let that blood get real thick.

Make the memories last real long,

Yea, bring them with you for good,

Those thorns grow back real fast,

Just like they should.

So let me tell you,

Yea, let me tell you,

Just grab life,

Grab life by the thorns.

Yea, grab life by the thorns,

Don’t listen to nobody else,

Grab life by the horns,

You’ll be thanking yourself.

Cause when you love somebody,

You gotta make that move,

You gotta be the one they want,

Don’t need those hands to be smooth,

And grab life,

Grab life by the horns.

Grab it,

Reach out and grab it,

Yea let it cut real deep,

Grab it,

Just grab it,

Let that blood seep and seep.

Cause when you love somebody,

You gotta make that move,

You gotta be the one they want,

Don’t need those hands to be smooth,

And grab life,

Grab life by the horns.

This is your captain speaking,

We’re in for a rough landing,

You all need to take your seat,

Make sure you aren’t standing.

Put your head between your knees,

Make sure you breathe real slow,

Say a few prayers,

Be ready if you’re in the exit row.

When we’re arm and arm, warm embrace of our feet,

You’ll always have that life vest under your seat.

Tear open the pouch,

Slip it over your head,

Wrap the straps around your waist,

Like two pillows in bed.

Inflate the vest real quick,

Pull down on the two red tabs,

You’re now safe next to me,

Head resting on my chest and abs.

When we’re arm and arm, warm embrace of our feet,

You’ll always have that life vest under your seat.

Float with the warm sun on your skin,

Waves crashing on your face,

Waiting for that helicopter sound,

You have that water activated light just in case.

When we’re arm and arm, warm embrace of our feet,

You’ll always have that life vest under your seat.

I’ll be your safety valve,

Your parachute,

Your Johnny to June,

Your wool lined boots.

I’m always here when you need me,

Just give me a call,

I’ll always stand you on up,

Pick you up when you fall.

When we’re arm and arm, warm embrace of our feet,

You’ll always have that life vest under your seat.

This is your captain speaking,

Tell that gal in 12A,

Her man is on the radio,

He’s got something to say.

Hey baby, I’m with you,

Make sure you breathe real slow,

Say a few prayers,

But know me and god are here if you go.

When we’re arm and arm, warm embrace of our feet,

You’ll always have that life vest under your seat.

I’m always here when you need me,

Just give me a call,

I’ll always stand you on up,

Pick you up when you fall.

When we’re arm and arm, warm embrace of our feet,

You’ll always have that life vest under your seat.

With that puckered lip,

Making baby noises,

And attached at the hip,

Hand feeding a delicious treat,

Giving belly rubs,

And letting a man just eat,

Staring deep into these eyes,

With a whole lot of love,

There is never no disguise.

You love this man,

This good old boy,

You need this man,

Your little boy toy,

But unfortunately,

There’s a problem for me,

This man for you,,

Has four legs, not two.

Why can’t you look at me,

Like you look at your dog,

Why can’t I see,

You all night long,

Why can’t I be,

Your Lainey Wilson song,

Baby, why can’t you look at me,

Like you look at your dog,

Baby, why can’t you look at me,

Like you look at your dog.

You love this man,

This good old boy,

You need this man,

Your little boy toy,

But unfortunately,

There’s a problem for me,

This man for you,,

Has four legs, not two.

Why can’t you look at me,

Like you look at your dog,

Why can’t I see,

You all night long,

Why can’t I be,

Your Carly Pearce song,

Baby, why can’t you look at me,

Like you look at your dog,

Baby, why can’t you look at me,

Like you look at your dog.

Sometimes, I feel like a bump on a log,

Sometimes, I feel like we’ve gone all wrong,

Sometimes, I feel like a Brad Paisley song,

Sometimes, I just want to be a dog.

Why can’t you look at me,

Like you look at your dog,

Why can’t I see,

You all night long,

Why can’t I be,

Your Miranda Lambert song,

Baby, why can’t you look at me,

Like you look at your dog,

Baby, why can’t you look at me,

Like you look at your dog.

Goin’ from Nash to Vegas for a weekend trip,

Free like a bird, no baby attached to my hip,

So me and the boys going to let it rip.

Dreamin’ of those dice lookin’ oh so nice,

Those 3am cuties to be more precise,

But I just got a little surprise,

I couldn’t believe my lyin’ eyes,

It’s not the thing I ever wanted to see,

Thank you for flying with us, you’ll be in 25b.

Now I’ve got four hours to kill,

Dave counting sheep in the exit row window sill,

And me next to a truck driver named Bill,

This ain’t gonna be news,

I got that middle seat blues,

This ain’t gonna be news,

I got that middle seat blues.

Let me tell you how bad it is,

I’d rather be next to some Karen and her kids,

‘Cause I’m sitting here squeezed in between two fatties,

Dripping special sauce in between two patties,

And my boy Rico’s over there next to some baddies.

Now I’ve got three hours to kill,

Dave counting sheep in the exit row window sill,

And me next to a truck driver named Bill,

This ain’t gonna be news,

I got that middle seat blues,

This ain’t gonna be news,

I got that middle seat blues.

How the hell I get such bad luck,

Bill sittin’ here tellin’ me ‘bout the brakes on his truck,

And this other dude givin’ some candy a suck,

While Rico’s over there with Jack and having a yuck.

Now I’ve got two hours to kill,

Dave counting sheep in the exit row window sill,

And me next to a truck driver named Bill,

This ain’t gonna be news,

I got that middle seat blues.

This ain’t gonna be news,

I got that middle seat blues.

Now I’ve got one hour to kill,

Dave counting sheep in the exit row window sill,

And me next to a truck driver named Bill.

This ain’t gonna be news,

I got that middle seat blues.

This ain’t gonna be news,

I got that middle seat blues.

Countin’ down the minutes and the seconds,

My watch goes tick tick tick,

Mr. pilot please make this landing stick stick stick,

And need that short taxi, that gate so tantalizingly close,

Only a few minutes until I get that sin city dose.

But then I remember I’m in the back in 25b,

What did I ever do to deserve this punishment to me,

Now I’ve got thirty more minutes to kill,

That means thirty more minutes with Bill.

This ain’t gonna be news,

I got that middle seat blues,

This ain’t gonna be news,

I got that middle seat blues.

Mind the gap,

It’s like a tiger trap,

Fallin’ and fallin’ into the abyss,

Mind the gap,

It’s like an old hubcap,

When you’re gone, you ain’t gonna be missed.

Mind the gap,

It’s where my heart is at,

Beatin’ and beatin real fast,

Mind the gap,

Just like an old beer tap,

This heart wasn’t made to last.

I don’t mind when you mind this ol’ heart,

We need to mend what we mind from the start.

Mind the gap,

Sticky like some tree sap,

Weeping willow in the wind,

Mind the gap,

Not givin’ you a bad rap,

But you fell in the gap when you sinned.

Mind the gap,

Gonna fall right into my lap,

Get on back into my life,

Mind the gap,

When you wake up from your nap,

Gonna’ make you my new wife.

I don’t mind when you mind this ol’ heart,

We need to mend what we mind from the start.

Mind the gap,

Gonna fall right into my lap,

Get on back into my life,

Mind the gap,

When you wake up from your nap,

Gonna’ make you my new wife.

I don’t mind when you mind this ol’ heart,

We need to mend what we mind from the start.

Don’t mind the gap,

It’s wear my heart is at,

Plunge right into the abyss,

Don’t mind the gap,

It’s where your future’s at,

The past it ain’t gonna be missed,

No, the past it ain’t gonna be missed.

Don’t mind the gap,

It’s where your future’s at,

The past it ain’t gonna be missed,

No, the past it ain’t gonna be missed.

It started late on a Sunday night,

That Sonoran senorita sitting under that blue light,

Swinging from that dive with the 8-ball games,

That mexicana smile made me forget its name,

Flowery dress and sparkly shoes,

Sultry spanish voice like you hear in the blues,

Where this espousa been all of my life,

For us gringos that will be my wife.

She’s that miss Nogales,

Now livin’ in Dallas,

Warm breeze through her hair,

And not a care since seventeen,

That Miss Nogales has a spell on me.

Months gone by and that fire remains,

Sunday nights ain’t never gonna’ be the same,

Still think of that look in your eye ,

When I knew you were my gal and me your guy,

Sittin’ in the kitchen with that masa in hand,

Smellin’ like roses from where I stand,

Laughin’ ‘bout the look on my face,

When you said you’re movin’ into my place.

She’s that miss Nogales,

Now livin’ in Dallas,

Warm breeze through her hair,

And not a care since seventeen,

That Miss Nogales has a spell on me.

She’s that miss Nogales,

Now livin’ in Dallas,

Warm breeze through her hair,

And not a care since seventeen,

That Miss Nogales has a spell on me

I have a spell on me,

Miss Nogales put that spell on me.

Let me tell you a story about my uncle willy,

You may think it’s frivolous,

You may think it’s kind of silly.

You see my uncle willy,

He’s not what we would call urbane,

He wore only one sock,

In polite society he’s what you may call insane.

He ran around with a girl or two,

He didn’t care if they had red hair,

Eyes were green or blue.

He liked a little poker game,

He smoke two packs a day,

And could really roll a frame.

You may think it’s where I get it from,

But this story ain’t even finished,

It ain’t even half-way done.

My dear ol’ uncle willy,

He drove a taxi cab in Philly,

And knew a few shady characters in his day.

My dear ol’ uncle willy,

May have been a little what the kids call killy,

And that’s all I’m ever going to say.

My dear ol’ Uncle Willy could really cut a rug,

He could run the billiards hall,

And knew where all the ditches dug.

Yea, he was really one of a kind,

Until the last day,

When he moved to Rio,

Yea, when we lost his mind.

But there’s a point to my story,

With all its charm,

With all its pizzazz,

With all its glory.

You see my uncle willy was not related by blood,

He was born in a pigsty,

Rolling around in the mud.

Left on the front porch,

Picked up by a nun,

His mama loved to walk at nights,

And have some fun.

So I don’t want to hear no more,

Don’t hang it over my head,

Don’t talk about that poor ol’ man,

Don’t talk bad about the dead.

There’s a lot of blame to go around,

I don’t want to hear another word,

Don’t want to hear another sound.

Blame it on Jack, Johnny, or my brother Billy,

But please don’t blame my uncle Willy,

Poor ol’ Uncle Willy.

Yea, I don’t want to hear no more,

Don’t hang it over my head,

Don’t talk about that poor ol’ man,

Don’t talk bad about the dead.

Please don’t blame my uncle Willy,

Poor ol’ Uncle Willy.

Goodbye, Jack, Johnny, Jim,

It’s been fun knowing you,

Join my Uncle Willy.

Jimmy, ready, on your mark, get set, let’s go,

Twist your misses all around from to and fro,

This is the no frown hoedown with Johnny on the fiddle,

June on the left, and Jane in the middle,

When those arms are swaying and those hips a’shaking,

This ground all around it be really quaking,

This no frown hoedown is coming to your town,

Come on down and see these smiles abound.

Rooty-tooty you’re fresh and fruity,

Come on now let me see that booty,

Shake it to the left, shake it to the right,

This small town gonna be lit all night,

Yea, this small town gonna be lit all night.

When this no frown hoedown hits your town,

You gonna’ be hypnotized by the sound,

Come on down we got Mark on the drums,

Mac on the mic, and this base it hums,

It’s happy hour round here all night,

That other town is an apple without a bite,

This whiskey’s flowing and those hips a’shaking,

This ground all around it be really quaking,

This no frown hoedown is coming to your town,

Come on down and see these smiles abound.

Looty-dooty you’re nice and cutie,

Come on now let me see that booty,

Shake it to the left, shake it to the right,

This small town gonna be lit all night,

Yea, this small town gonna be lit all night.

When this no frown hoedown hits your town,

Punch that clock and come gather ‘round,

Get on down, we got food on the griddle,

Some bacon on the right, and steak in the middle,

There ain’t gonna be no ifs, ands, or butts,

This small town’s partyin’ center cut,

Hootie-tooty you country snooty,

Come on now let me see that booty,

Shake it to the left, shake it to the right,

This small town gonna be lit all night,

Yea, this small town gonna be lit all night.

Cause this moon is shining and those hips a’shaking,

This ground all around it be really quaking,

This no frown hoedown is coming to your town,

Come on down and see these smiles abound.

Root-toot-shoot-loot country cutie,

Doot-moot-soot-hoot that big ol’ bootie,

Shake it to the left, shake it to the right,

This no frown hoedown gonna go all night.

Yea, root-toot-shoot-loot country cutie,

Doot-moot-soot-hoot that big ol’ bootie,

Shake it to the left, shake it to the right,

This no frown hoedown gonna go all night.

Yea, let’s keep this no frown hoedown going all night.

Pour me another one,

Down the hatch you go,

Pour me another one,

Need that smoke in my throat,

Pour me another one,

Rye, corn, barley, with a little caramel note.

I’m a rebel,

I’m an outcast tonight,

Yea, I’m a rebel,

You touch my drink,

Two fists up, it’s gonna be a fight.

That untouchable aroma,

Sweet sensation on my tongue,

Movin’ up the ladder, movin’ up a rung,

Make it last and last and last,

Welcome to the oak cast,

The oak cast system.

I meet some priests and teachers,

A few warriors too,

Farmers always welcome,

Merchants chalkin’ up the cue.

We all on the level,

Throwin’ down all night,

That vice of the devil,

Got us burnin’ in more ways than one.

That untouchable aroma,

Sweet sensation on my tongue,

Movin’ up the ladder, movin’ up a rung,

Make it last and last and last,

Welcome to the oak cast,

The oak cast system.

Like shootin’ fish in a barrel,

Let the good times roll,

Let me cast a spell,

I’m a rebel,

I’m an outcast tonight,

Yea, I’m a rebel,

You touch my drink,

Two fists up, it’s gonna be a fight.

That untouchable aroma,

Sweet sensation on my tongue,

Movin’ up the ladder, movin’ up a rung,

Make it last and last and last,

Welcome to the oak cast,

The oak cast system.

I meet some priests and teachers,

A few warriors too,

Farmers always welcome,

Merchants chalkin’ up the cue.

We all on the level,

Throwin’ down all night,

That vice of the devil,

Got us burnin’ in more ways than one.

That untouchable aroma,

Sweet sensation on my tongue,

Movin’ up the ladder, movin’ up a rung,

Make it last and last and last,

Welcome to the oak cast,

The oak cast system.

There might be no law west of dodge,

There might be no well that’s run dry,

There might not be enough whiskey here,

Might have to give another saloon a try.

That sweet sweet sweetwater,

Is like honey touchin my lips,

Those midland fields of cotton,

All wrapped up on my fingertips.

Finger on the trigger,

Ready to shoot,

Ready to shoot.

I’m the fastest draw west of the pecos,

You’re that beauty like I ain’t ever seen,

This West Texas country,

Got me rollin’,

From Odessa over to Abilene.

Got me rollin’ and rollin’,

This truck it’s seen a few,

Got me rollin’ and rollin’,

This dust has turned it grey from blue.

Got me rollin’ and rollin’,

Like whiskey bottles down the road,

Got me rollin’ and rollin’,

Feelin’ right and feelin’ bold..

Finger on the trigger,

Ready to shoot,

Ready to shoot.

I’m the fastest draw west of the pecos,

You’re that beauty like I ain’t ever seen,

This West Texas country,

Got me rollin’,

From Odessa over to Abilene.

From Odessa to Abilene.

This beautiful West Texas Country.

Got me ready to shoot.

This sweet sweet water,

And those midland fields.

Got me ready to shoot.

I’m the fastest draw west of the pecos,

You’re that beauty like I ain’t ever seen,

This West Texas country,

Got me rollin’,

From Odessa over to Abilene.

Gimme that oratory,

Gimme that edgar allen poe,

Gimme that four eyed gal,

Gimme that one I want some mo’,

Don’t need that one word woman,

She ain’t the one for me,

Don’t need that one word woman,

Why can’t you see.

Gimme that bookworm vixen,

Gimme that Jackie O,

Gimme that smiling gal,

Gimme that one I want some mo’,

Don’t need that one word woman,

She ain’t the one for me,

Don’t need that one word woman,

Why can’t you see.

Gimme that pHD,

Gimme that good convo,

Gimme that all night gal,

Gimme that one I want some mo’,

Don’t need that one word woman,

She ain’t the one for me,

Don’t need that one word woman,

Why can’t you see.

Gimme that long text message,

Gimme those words that’a flow,

Gimme that long legged gal,

Gimme that one I want some mo’,

Don’t need that one word woman,

She ain’t the one for me,

Don’t need that one word woman,

Why can’t you see.

Gimme that foreign conjugation,

Gimme that Tolstoy on the low ,

Gimme that red-haired gal,

Gimme that one I want some mo’,

Gimme that one word woman,

She’s the right one for me,

Gimme that one word woman,

Say yes when I’m down on one knee.

Gimme that one word woman,

Say yes when I’m down on one knee.

Their kids get a day off when deer season starts,

They get their kicks hanging out at Advance Auto Parts,

They cast a shadow only with a rod and a reel,

They say please and thank you and have an even keel,

They can run for miles in the pumpkin patch,

They turn off their phone when they have a catch.

City folk will say it must be quite sucky,

I say they’re Pennsyltucky lucky.

The only high they get is on that shoo fly pie,

The only time they cried is when Dale Earnhardt died,

The boys of fall wear blue and white,

The names on the backs are nowhere in site,

The cat in the tree is part of the fireman’s day,

The policeman may need to milk a cow or bail some hay.

City folk will say it must be quite sucky,

I say they’re Pennsyltucky lucky.

It’s Pennsyltucky lucky to live wild and free,

It’s Pennsyltucky lucky to look up and blue sky you see,

It’s Pennsylvania lucky to unlock the door,

It’s Pennsylvania lucky to still have a general store,

It’s Pennsylvania lucky to still have some brotherly love,

It’s Pennsylvania lucky to be looked upon from above.

City folk will say it must be quite sucky,

I say they’re Pennsyltucky lucky.

They get their kicks hanging out at Advance Auto Parts,

They cast a shadow only with a rod and a reel,

They say please and thank you and have an even keel,

They can run for miles in the pumpkin patch,

They turn off their phone when they have a catch.

City folk will say it must be quite sucky,

I say they’re Pennsyltucky lucky.

It’s Pennsyltucky lucky to live wild and free,

It’s Pennsyltucky lucky to look up and blue sky you see,

It’s Pennsylvania lucky to unlock the door,

It’s Pennsylvania lucky to still have a general store,

It’s Pennsylvania lucky to still have some brotherly love,

It’s Pennsylvania lucky to be looked upon from above.

City folk will say it must be quite sucky,

I say they’re Pennsyltucky lucky.

City folk will say it must be quite sucky,

I say they’re Pennsyltucky lucky,

Yes, they’re Pennsyltucky lucky.

Watchin’ our weekly Dawgs game,

Got my face all up in that spread,

It’s not green or black, but got me thinkin’ a bit,

Yellow beard is a damn good pirate’s name.

Like a sunken treasure,

Or a newfound booty,

Off the glistening emerald coast,

Like the smell of honeysuckle,

Or sweet iced tea,

It’s the thing you miss the most.

Yea, it’s the thing you miss the most.

It’s better than a goodbye kiss,

A party favor that you never do miss,

It’s our southern way to enjoy the show,

A little pimento memento,

Get a little shmear,

In that southern fried beard,

And take you a pimento memento.

These biscuits don’t taste the same,

It’s not like the way granny did,

And the hood of the Ford,

It’s not the way grandaddy would do it,

Those scratches he always hid.

And the way the butter dripped down your arms,

When you bit into your morning toast,

Yea, it’s those little things you miss the most.

It’s better than a goodbye kiss,

A party favor that you never do miss,

It’s our southern way to enjoy the show,

A little pimento memento,

Get a little shmear,

In that southern fried beard,

And take you a pimento memento.

Yea, we all friends around here,

So get a little schmear in that southern fried beard,

And catch you a pimento memento.

Let’s go, let’s go, we’re gonna miss the show,

Don’t forget your pimento memento.

Put a little shmear,

Let’s see that yellow beard,

You’re a southern fried man,

Away let’s go,

You got your pimento memento.

Pull harder and harder and harder,

Yea that’s it, just like that,

Twist it more and more and more,

Yea that’s it, we can go tit for tat.

I can do this or hours,

Yea, I can do this for days,

I can do this in Junes,

I can do this in Mays.

I can start at sunrise,

Yea, I can go to sunset,

You pull and you twist,

Hell, you deserve what you get,

Yea, you deserve what you get.

Pulled straight from the headlines,

I fell right into your lap,

I thought it was printing time baby,

I thought it was a wrap,

But I was so wrong, wrong, wrong,

You’ll never be forgotten,

But you’ll never be mourned,

I’m ripped, torn, scorned.

Mornings are for OJ,

And a cup of some Joe,

Cold beer in the console,

And a boat in the tow.

They ain’t for you baby,

Let’s set the record straight,

You weren’t pulling that load baby,

No you weren’t pulling that weight.

Pulled straight from the headlines,

I fell right into your lap,

I thought it was printing time baby,

I thought it was a wrap,

But I was so wrong, wrong, wrong,

You’ll never be forgotten,

But you’ll never be mourned,

I’m ripped, torn, scorned.

Pull it,

Twist it,

Stretch it,

Move it,

That’s it baby.

Yea, pull it,

Twist it,

Harder and harder,

Keep at it baby.

Yea, you got it now.

‘Cause you’ll never be forgotten,

But you’ll never be mourned,

I’m ripped, torn, scorned.

Pulled straight from the headlines,

I fell right into your lap,

I thought it was printing time baby,

I thought it was a wrap,

But I was so wrong, wrong, wrong,

You’ll never be forgotten,

But you’ll never be mourned,

I’m ripped, torn, scorned.

Yea, you’ll never be forgotten,

But you’ll never be mourned,

I’m ripped, torn, scorned.

eel back the cover,

Let that dust settle,

Eyes wider than the amazon,

There are secrets in store,

I know what you’re here for,

Come appraise my collection,

Have some personal reflection,

Before you’re shown your way to the door.

You can light that new Porsche,

With a big torch,

Italian leather seats and all,

And when you’re done,

Send your bike back to the land of the rising sun,

It’s not even a close call.

I’m an American man,

You know where I stand,

Made in the USA for the win,

I’m an American man,

Won with blood, sweat, and some sand,

So I’ll keep my Schwin and Indian.

That sweet apple pie fresh out the oven,

That V-8 hemi has a fine tune,

That crack of the hickory,

That sweet southern lovin’,

Who needs after midnight,

Give me three shots of moonshine by noon.

One shot, two shots, three shots of moonshine by noon.

I’m an American man,

You know where I stand,

Made in the USA for the win,

I’m an American man,

Won with blood, sweat, and some sand,

So I’ll keep my Schwin and Indian.

So you see that shiny new automobile over there,

And you see that sexy motorized bicycle,

Let me introduce you to some Made in the U-S-A Kingsford right here,

And I want you to follow these instructions.

You can light that new Porsche,

With a big torch,

Italian leather seats and all,

And when you’re done,

Send your bike back to the land of the rising sun,

It’s not even a close call.

I’m an American man,

You know where I stand,

Made in the USA for the win,

I’m an American man,

Won with blood, sweat, and some sand,

So I’ll keep my Schwin and Indian.

That sweet apple pie fresh out the oven,

That sweet southern lovin’,

Give me three shots of moonshine by noon,

One shot, two shots, three shots of moonshine by noon.

I’m an American man,

You know where I stand,

Made in the USA for the win,

I’m an American man,

Won with blood, sweat and some sand,

So I’ll keep my Schwin and Indian.

I’m an American man,

Won with blood, sweat, and some sand,

So I’ll keep my Schwin and Indian.

Like in good ol’ Dodge city,

I’m the sheriff of this town,

So you better get your Tombstone ready,

It’s about to go down.

Go on and move that ol’ Durango,

And that dried up Deadwood too,

‘Cause when this barrel’s good and oiled,

You won’t even have a clue.

Like my daddy taught me as a first-grader,

Son, you better shoot first,

And ask questions later.

Those pine trees can’t come down soon enough,

Damn, this western livin’ is mighty hard,

Yea, it’s mighty tough.

This six shooter is getting real low,

Gotta’ draw it fast,

Can’t afford to be slow.

Yea, like my daddy taught me as a first-grader,

Son, you you better put those bullets in the chamber,

Then shoot first,

And ask questions later.

I got this gold star stuck to my chest,

Here, I am the law,

And you know the rest.

I can sit here and throw back a few,

When this barrel’s good and oiled,

You won’t even have a clue.

Like my daddy taught me as a first-grader,

Son, you better shoot first,

And ask questions later.

Shoot first,

Be quick on the draw,

Shoot first,

Don’t ever stall.

Because if you don’t shoot first,

There won’t be no later.

Like in good ol’ Dodge city,

I’m the sheriff of this town,

So you better get your Tombstone ready,

It’s about to go down.

Go on and move that ol’ Durango,

And that dried up Deadwood too,

‘Cause when this barrel’s good and oiled,

You won’t even have a clue.

Like my daddy taught me as a first-grader,

Son, you better shoot first,

And ask questions later.

Son, you better shoot first,

And ask questions later.

Ask questions later.

Some people work real hard,

They do it right, authentic, never fake,

They scratch and claw, fight like hell,

But they just can’t seem to catch a break.

Eviction notice and bills piling up.

And a boot on their truck,

What does someone need to do to catch a little luck.

If you ask me though, this is a great quality,

That woman is perfect as can be,

She’s a diamond, a find,

Even a fool like me can see.

My girl is, gracefully, ungraceful, and tastefully, untasteful,

She’s restfully, unrestful, and successfully, unsuccessful,

And that’s all right with me,

We all want perfection and storybook pages,

But loving flaws is key.

Sometimes when it rains it pours,

The flood lasts for days,

And when at the creek you bring the wrong lures,

Sometimes things aren’t meant to be,

It’s out of your control,

And in god’s hands, it’s not up to you or to me.

The real test of love is when the going gets tough,

Do you hit from the fairway,

Or out of the rough,

Do you support each other,

Or say it’s enough.

My girl is, gracefully, ungraceful, and tastefully, untasteful,

She’s restfully, unrestful, and successfully, unsuccessful,

And that’s all right with me,

We all want perfection and storybook pages,

But loving flaws is key.

She’s restfully, unrestful, and successfully, unsuccessful,

And that’s all right with me,

Because successfully successful our life together will be.

Yea, that’s all right with me,

Because successfully successful our life together will be.

There’s a raccoon in your room,

Call Don at animal control,

There’s a raccoon in your room,

Digging a big ol’ hole.

There’s a raccoon in your room,

I hope you had all your shots,

There’s a raccoon in your room,

Eating garbage as it rots.

There’s a raccoon in your room,

Get me the hell out of here,

There’s a raccoon in your room,

I got this, please stand clear.

A few minutes go by, she doesn’t move at all,

This raccoon is having a ball, climbing up the wall.

Hey babe, I forgot to tell you one thing when we met,

This is Rocky the raccoon,

Isn’t he as sweet as they get,

Yea there’s a racoon in my room,

Rocky is my pet.

My girl has a raccoon in her room,

Not a dog, a bird, or cat,

My girl has a raccoon in her room,

Not a snake, a hamster, or rat.

My girl has a raccoon in her room,

It’s just as simple as that,

My girl has a raccoon in her room,

Is she as crazy as a bat.

Damn, this girl is perfect,

But she left one part out when we met,

There’s another man in her life,

She thinks he’s as cute as they get,

Meet the one and only Rocky the raccoon,

And Rocky is her pet.

I can’t believe my bad luck,

Should I leave right now,

Should I head for my truck,

I think this girl is as daffy,

As a big fat Kansas duck.

Damn, this girl is perfect,

But she left one part out when we met,

There’s another man in her life,

She thinks he’s as cute as they get,

Meet the one and only Rocky the raccoon,

And Rocky is her pet.

There’s a raccoon in your room,

Hold off on animal control,

There’s a raccoon in your room,

Sometimes with the punches we just gotta roll.

There’s a raccoon in your room,

Eating a hole in my boot,

There’s a raccoon in your room,

Rocky, you’re actually kind of cute.

Damn, this girl is perfect,

But she left one part out when we met,

There’s another man in her life,

She thinks he’s as cute as they get,

Meet the one and only Rocky the raccoon,

And Rocky is our pet.

Yea, I think he’s as cute as they get,

Meet the one and only Rocky the raccoon,

And Rocky is our pet.

Remove those husks,

Gather those ears,

Gonna’ bring all them little boys to tears.

Real sharp teeth,

Long green claws,

Gonna’ chew you up and spit you out like jaws.

Stand back boys, dangerous machinery ahead,

You’re a buck sixty-five soaking wet, gonna’ put this to bed,

She needs a real strong man, because here’s the kicker,

She’s thicker than a picker,

Yea, here’s the kicker,

She’s thicker than a picker.

Mmm hmm, thicker than a picker.

Mount that deere,

Drive real slow,

Gonna’ need to bring her in with a tow.

Fill her up,

Do one row at a time,

Gonna’ be the next in line.

Stand back boys, dangerous machinery ahead,

You’re a buck sixty-five soaking wet, gonna’ put this to bed,

She needs a real strong man, because here’s the kicker,

She’s thicker than a picker,

Yea, here’s the kicker,

She’s thicker than a picker.

Mmm hmm, thicker than a picker.

New or used,

It’s all the same,

Gonna’ need to up your game.

Get those crops,

Harvest those fields,

Gonna’ be a lot of pain that she yields.

Stand back boys, dangerous machinery ahead,

You’re a buck sixty-five soaking wet, gonna’ put this to bed,

She needs a real strong man, because here’s the kicker,

She’s thicker than a picker,

Yea, here’s the kicker,

She’s thicker than a picker.

Mmm hmm, thicker than a picker.

Remove those husks,

Gather those ears,

Gonna’ bring all them little boys to tears.

Stand back boys, dangerous machinery ahead,

You’re a buck sixty-five soaking wet, gonna’ put this to bed,

She needs a real strong man, because here’s the kicker,

She’s thicker than a picker,

Yea, here’s the kicker,

She’s thicker than a picker.

Stand back boys, dangerous machinery ahead,

You’re a buck sixty-five soaking wet, gonna’ put this to bed,

She needs a real strong man, because here’s the kicker,

She’s thicker than a picker,

Yea, here’s the kicker,

She’s thicker than a picker.

Mmm hmm, thicker than a picker,

She’s thicker than a picker.

You’ll always be the one, you’ll always be the only one,

You’ll always get it done, you’ll always be my golden sun,

When I look up I see the light, when I look down I see the dark,

When I turn to the right, when I look for that big ol’ spark.

In Tuscaloosa, Alabama, in Baton Rouge Louisiana,

Damn, I really paid my dues,

In that honky tonk cabana, damn I really lit that fuse,

When I look into those eyes, I see those country baby blues,

Those country baby blues.

You’ll always be my girl, you’ll always be my only girl,

You’ll always be my pearl, that oyster I always will unfurl,

When I turn on my ‘ol truck, damn, I’m always in luck,

Don’t matter if it’s dry, or even when I’m in some muck.

In Tuscaloosa, Alabama, in Baton Rouge Louisiana,

Damn, I really paid my dues,

In that honky tonk cabana, damn I really lit that fuse,

When I look into those eyes, I see those country baby blues,

Those country baby blues.

Show them those country baby blues,

Show them all those magnificent hues,

Yea, show it far and wide,

‘Cause you’ll always be here by my side.

You’ll always be the one, you’ll always be the only one,

You’ll always get it done, you’ll always be my golden sun,

When I look up I see the light, when I look down I see the dark,

When I turn to the right, when I look for that big ol’ spark.

In Tuscaloosa, Alabama, in Baton Rouge Louisiana,

Damn, I really paid my dues,

In that honky tonk cabana, damn I really lit that fuse,

When I look into those eyes, I see those country baby blues,

Those country baby blues.

Country baby blues.

Those country baby blues.

In Tuscaloosa, Alabama, in Baton Rouge Louisiana,

Damn, I really paid my dues,

Yea, paid them dues.

In that honky tonk cabana, damn I really lit that fuse,

Yea, I really lit that fuse.

When I look into those eyes, I see those country baby blues,

Those country baby blues.

Country baby blues.

Those country baby blues.

It's a wama bama,

Silva slama,

Jimmy jama kinda night,

I’m a rocka rama,

Nili nama,

Timi tama, get it right,

You’ll be my gotta hava,

Lotta lova,

Bouta notta, don’t put up a fight.

Now don't you lie,

You like a wam bam thank you ma’am kinda guy,

Kiss your worries goodbye,

I’ll be your wam bam thank you ma’am kinda guy,

Don’t need that hot damn,

Slap your man, all night ride,

You’ll get that hot rod,

Praise to god, no place to hide,

You’ll be that hot flash,

Turned to ash, when you abide,

I’ll be that hot sauce,

Big boss, high tide.

Now don't you lie,

You like a wam bam thank you ma’am kinda guy,

Kiss your worries goodbye,

I’ll be your wam bam thank you ma’am kinda guy,

Wam bam thank you ma’am kinda guy,

Wam bam thank you ma’am kinda guy.

You’ll be my wam bam thank you man kinda gal,

You’ll be my wam bam than you man kinda gal.

Don’t need that hot damn,

Slap your man, all night ride,

You’ll get that hot rod,

Praise to god, no place to hide,

You’ll be that hot flash,

Turned to ash, when you abide,

I’ll be that hot sauce,

Big boss, high tide.

Now don't you lie,

You like a wam bam thank you ma’am kinda guy,

You’ll be my wam bam thank you man kinda gal.

I’ve seen a few westerns in my day,

I’ve been on the strip,

I’ve seen a few pit bosses,

I’ve seen a six-shooter on their hip.

I’ve got a bad feeling about this baby,

I think something is a bit out of whack,

They are onto you now baby,

You keep on coming up in the black.

You know what happens to card counters,

You about to learn the same fate,

When they catch them a card counter,

They gonna’ give your cheatin’ heart, a checkmate,

Your cheatin’ heart, a checkmate.

Like those addictive slots,

Every night around 2 or 3,

I see your cell light up,

Like a christmas tree,

And you know what now baby,

It ain’t comin’, from little ol’ me,

No it ain’t comin’, from little ol’ me.

You know what happens to card counters,

You about to learn the same fate,

When they catch them a card counter,

They gonna’ make your cheatin’ heart, into some fishin’ bait,

Your cheatin’ heart, into some fishin’ bait.

I think you know what happens to card counters,

I think you know all about it,

Card countin’ is your specialty,

This ain’t the first time,

You’ve been cheatin’ on me,

No this ain’t the first time,

You’ve been cheatin’ on me.

You know what happens to card counters,

You about to learn the same fate,

When they catch them a card counter,

They gonna’ give your cheatin’ heart, a checkmate,

Your cheatin’ heart, a checkmate.

Yea , I think you know what happens to card counters,

I think you know all about it,

Card countin’ is your specialty,

This ain’t the first time,

You’ve been cheatin’ on me,

No this ain’t the first time,

You’ve been cheatin’ on me.

You know what happens to card counters,

You about to learn the same fate,

When they catch them a card counter,

They gonna’ give your cheatin’ heart, a checkmate,

Your cheatin’ heart, a checkmate.

I don’t have to see your cheatin’ heart no more,

No more, no more, no more,

Because card counters are kicked out that door,

Get your ass out that door,

And never return.

You know what happens to card counters,

You just learned the same fate,

I caught me a card counter,

And usin’ your cheatin’ heart, for some fishin’ bait,

For some fishin’ bait.

I met a girl the other day,

She told me about growing up,

The old school way,

It was about the time she turned sixteen,

Looking oh so pretty,

With that country sheen.

Hey sweetie it’s time to have the talk,

Grab your things, let’s have a walk,

You see there’s something I need to explain,

Like Deanie, something may drive you insane,

You see, you’re about to be all grown up,

You may find your soulmate, if you have some luck.

But I want you to take something from me,

Sometimes, love is not just what you can see,

Sometimes, love is like a bird and a bee.

Hey baby, let me fill you in,

You can learn more from a country song,

You think it needs to last all night long,

Well let me tell you something honey,

You learned the birds and the bees all wrong.

Yes, you learned the birds and the bees all wrong.

Sometimes life comes at you fast,

Sometimes you just want to make it last,

But the bluejay and the robin too,

Sometimes feelin’ red, sometimes feelin’ blue,

So be that worker bee,

Shake what you got now just for me.

Yea, be that worker bee,

Shake what you got now just for me,

And let me fill you in on a little secret,

Just between the two of us.

You can learn more from a country song,

You think it needs to last all night long,

Well let me tell you something honey,

You learned the birds and the bees all wrong.

Yes, you learned the birds and the bees all wrong.

Hey baby, it ain’t your fault,

No it ain’t your fault,

That you learned the birds and the bees all wrong.

That you learned the birds and the bees all wrong.

In the future, just take this advice,

Be a little more naughty, and a little less nice,

Or a lot less naughty and a lot more nice,

Got me all tied up in knots,

Maybe take your daddy’s sweet sixteen advice.

And don’t listen to this country song,

Try to go all night night long,

Maybe I learned the bees all wrong,

Maybe you’ve been right all along.

The birds and the bees can be so wrong,

Yes, the birds and the bees can be so wrong.

Let’s bring a little country to this city,

I don’t mind if we do,

Let’s put a little yee-haw in this cup of joe,

A little giddy up,

And away we go.

Your skin is shining,

You lookin’ oh so fine,

You’re so Friday night pretty,

Every guy so jealous,

That you’re mine.

Like a fish out of water,

Like the devil out of hell,

You bringing that country feelin’,

You bringin’ that southern fried smell.

So butter up that griddle on that small electric range,

Neighbor’s never seen a fiddle,

Hot damn this place is strange,

You’re country livin’ in the city.

Lace up those cowboy boots,

Step on that dingy subway car,

Say no thank you to brunch,

‘Cause Saturday, the tide rolls very far.

Let’s bring a little country to this city,

I don’t mind if we do,

Let’s put a little yee-haw in this cup of joe,

A little giddy up,

Well let’s go.

Like a fish out of water,

Like the devil out of hell,

You bringing that country feelin’,

You bringin’ that southern fried smell.

So butter up that griddle on that small electric range,

Neighbor’s never seen a fiddle,

Hot damn this place is strange,

You’re country livin’ in the city.

Let’s bring a little country to this city,

I don’t mind if we do,

Let’s put a little yee-haw in this cup of joe,

A little giddy up,

Well let’s go.

Like a fish out of water,

Like the devil out of hell,

You bringing that country feelin’,

You bringin’ that southern fried smell.

So butter up that griddle on that small electric range,

Neighbor’s never seen a fiddle,

Hot damn this place is strange,

You’re country livin’ in the city.

You’re so Friday night pretty,

Every day of the week,

‘Cause your country livin’ in the city,

You’re country livin’ in the city.

Let’s bring a little country to this city,

I don’t mind if we do,

Let’s put a little yee-haw in this cup of joe,

A little giddy up,

And away we go.

Three, two, two, two,

Stuck on two,

Need a one.

I need a top of the rotation,

And maybe you’re it,

I need that game 7 clutch performance,

A game winning base hit.

But something tells me you’re stuck in the middle,

Gonna have a nice long career,

You got a good batting average,

But ain’t imposing no fear.

You keep it safer than a bank vault,

Like a long highway drive for fun,

All the sting it sinks away,

Watch the coho on their winter run,

Rip that scab open wide, no wider,

Because you’re not not the one.

We got a nice thing going here,

And maybe that is ok,

Maybe listen to my mama,

Son, she can be the one one day.

But I want that v8 hemi engine,

I want that immediate spark,

I want that 7th gear on the tranny,

And not eco mode stuck in park.

You keep it safer than a bank vault,

Like a long highway drive for fun,

All the sting it sinks away,

Watch the coho on their winter run,

Rip that scab open wide, no wider,

Because you’re not not the one.

Three, two, two, two,

Stuck on two,

Need a one.

Maybe listen to mama,

Son, she can be the one one day.

Maybe listen to papa,

Son, there’s only so many fish out in the bay.

Three, two, two, two,

Stuck on two,

Maybe she is the one.

You keep it safer than a bank vault,

Like a long highway drive for fun,

All the sting it sinks away,

Watch the coho on their winter run,

Rip that scab open wide, no wider,

Because you’re not not the one.

Maybe listen to mama,

Son, she can be the one one day.

Maybe listen to papa,

Son, there’s only so many fish out in the bay.

You keep it safer than a bank vault,

And girl that could be ok,

Maybe you’ll be the one one day,

Yea, maybe girl you’ll be the one one day.